


We Have Hope

by iamladyloki



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blind Kanan Jarrus, Depa Billaba - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ezra Bridger (mentioned) - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Kanan Jarrus Lives, One Shot Collection, Order 66, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, caleb dume - Freeform, kanera - Freeform, nonlinear stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-02-26 18:37:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18722689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamladyloki/pseuds/iamladyloki
Summary: Kanera ficlets in an AU where Kanan was saved from the blast. (Tags will be updated with new chapters.)





	1. Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> For @bistormtrooper on tumblr. Happy belated Star Wars Day and happy Revenge of the Fifth!

The soft light of dawn gives the bedroom a warm glow. Hera Syndulla should be sleeping, but the tiny infant in her arms makes her heart feel so full that she couldn’t sleep even if she tried. The back of Jacen’s head is tucked into her elbow. His mouth is open even in sleep, milk drunk after his last nursing session.

How could something change Hera’s life so much? Jacen has shaken the foundations of her entire being. The love that Hera feels for him is world-shattering, all-consuming, and truthfully makes her feel a little terrified. Before, the Rebellion would have come first, in addition to protecting the Ghost crew. Now, Hera knows that Jacen will always be her first priority.

Funny how one person can change someone else so fundamentally.

Hera traces a finger along the contours of Jacen’s cheek. He looks so much like his father. Tears well up and she quickly blinks them away before they can spill. _These karking hormones_ , she thinks. _I thought they were supposed to go back to normal after childbirth_.

She becomes more alert when the apartment door suddenly opens and closes. She looks towards the bedroom door in time to find Kanan quietly approaching.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” he asks fondly.

Hera smiles and turns her gaze back to their son. “How can I when he is so beautiful?” she asks.

Kanan perches on the edge of the bed. “Hey, you sleep just fine when we go to bed,” he said, making Hera roll her eyes.

“You just rolled your eyes, didn’t you?” Kanan asks, an irritating smirk on his face.

“Kanan Jarrus,” Hera admonishes in a hushed tone.

Not quietly enough. The infant begins to squirm in Hera’s arm, huffing his displeasure. She tries to resettle him in her arms before his snuffles can build up into a wail. Her lek slips over her left shoulder, settling near Jacen’s head. He squints at it; his vision is still undeveloped, so it likely appears to be a blur. He reaches out a tiny hand and gently wraps his fingers around the end of the lek.

Hera feels as though her heart is going to burst out of her chest. This time the tears fall before she can stop them. She never dreamed that this would be possible - that she and Kanan would settle somewhere that wasn’t the Ghost and have a biological family. It almost didn’t happen. They almost lost Kanan after the fuel depot. He managed to escape with his life, just barely. Months of bacta therapy and he was as good as before the accident. Maybe even a little better.

Kanan settles close to Hera, first catching her tears with his thumb and then pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“You almost missed this,” Hera says. Her chest clenches uncomfortably at the thought. “I almost had to do this without you.”

He sighs and rests his head against her shoulder. “You would have been okay.”

Hera nods. “I know. I have Sabine and Zeb. But it would have been…” she pauses and bites her lip, considering. “It would have been hard. But I would have been okay in the end.”

They don’t mention Ezra. Ezra, who is still alive somewhere in the unknown regions. Kanan can sense him through their Force bond. He is okay. They will see each other again. Someday.

For now, their focus needs to be on their dependent son. Jacen is already asleep, his fingers still wrapped around Hera’s lek. Her eyes unwillingly begin to close.

“Get some rest,” Kanan whispers. “I’ve got you both.”


	2. Nightmare

It’s happening again.

In the dream, he doesn’t know this. In the dream it is happening for the very first time.

Depa, Caleb’s Master, is maneuvering her lightsaber to protect him from blaster fire. The battalion turned against them – clones that they commanded, that they _befriended_ , were now trying to eliminate them. He can feel the deaths of thousands of other Jedi through the Force, and he knows that he and his Master are next.

Then Depa yells for Caleb to run. She promises that she will be right behind him.

She is lying. They both know this.

He hesitates. A sheen of sweat is breaking out on Depa’s face, glinting green from the reflection of her saber. He cannot leave her, but he must. He obeys her final command and flees into the cover of the forest. It is there, where he is momentarily safe from danger, that he sees his Master fall to Commander Grey’s blaster.

A guttural scream wants to be loosed from his lips, but he manages to keep it at a whimper. _Why is this happening?_ _Why did the clone troopers turn against the Jedi?_

Days bleed together. Unable to sleep for fear of being found and forced to scavenge food for lack of credits, Caleb feels lost and hopeless. He thinks, more than once, that he should have stayed and fought beside his Master until the very end. But it is too late to change anything, and he will not allow his Master’s sacrifice be in vain.

Then Kanan meets Hera. And Zeb. And Sabine. And Ezra. His chosen family. Every time they add a new member to the crew, the dream shifts in subtle ways.

The clone troopers are back. They are old but are still skilled with their blasters.

“Get back,” Kanan tells Ezra. He ignites his saber and stands between the clones and his padawan. He understands, then, what Depa was feeling. He will lay down his life to give his padawan a chance at survival.

Something begins to tug at his awareness. _No_ , Kanan thinks. _I must focus, I must protect Ezra._ But the distraction continues to draw his attention away from Ezra. The distraction costs him – a blaster bolt strikes Ezra in the chest and he crumples to the ground.

 _“NO!”_ Kanan cries, and jerks awake.

A soft, familiar voice is making soothing sounds in his ear. “It’s alright, Kanan. It was just a dream,” Hera’s musical voice says to his right. Kanan squeezes his eyes shut and feels a tear slip down his cheek, unbidden. He can feel himself shaking. It was a dream. It was always a dream – except for the one time that it wasn’t.

Ezra is alive; Kanan can sense this as easily through the Force as he can sense his love beside him.

Hera gently turns his face towards her and places a soft kiss on the bridge of his nose. She rests her forehead against his and repeats, “It was just a dream, love.”

“It always feels so real,” Kanan says, the words gasping out like he is starved for air. His chest does feel like a vice is wrapped around it. “Depa… _Ezra_ …” He shudders.

Hera murmurs, “Ezra is okay. It’s over. The Clone War is over.”

“I know,” Kanan says, finally leaning back to meet Hera’s eyes. He does know this. They are all safe, even from Captain Rex, Wolffe, and Commander Gregor. Yet Kanan still feels like he cannot take a full breath.

Hera softly brushes her fingers along his cheek. “Seeing those clones must have really brought everything back,” she says, brow furrowed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He doesn’t, but the words come anyways. “Watching my friends turn on me and my Master was the worst part of it,” Kanan says, barely more than a whisper. “My Master killed Kaylon, Remo, and Mixx, and I killed Big-Mouth and Soot. Then I ran, despite knowing that my Master would not follow, and Commander Grey _killed her_. And then they came after me.”

“That must have been terrifying,” Hera says, not for the first time. He told her this story once before, years ago, and supplied additional information after later nightmares.

Kanan furrows his brow and says, “I was Ezra’s age when this happened.”

Hera shifts beside him and wraps an arm around his shoulder, resting her head against him. “He has us now. We will not let him share your fate.”

“No,” Kanan says, and he feels his chest begin to loosen. “No, we won’t.”

He cannot protect his padawan forever. There will come a day when he is no longer around, and Ezra must stand on his own. But today is not that day. And Ezra will have others to support him – he will have Hera, and Sabine, and Zeb, and even Chopper. His own found family.

Kanan takes a breath, long and deep.

“Think you can sleep?” Hera asks softly, when it is clear to her that he is no longer panicking.

Clones. Blasters. Master Depa, crumpling to the ground.

“Not just yet,” Kanan says, swallowing a lump in his throat. “I can return to my room if-”

“Nonsense,” Hera says. “Let’s just lie down. Let me be here for you, Kanan.”

The sentimental words escape his lips before he can stop them: “You’re always here for me, Hera.”

She chuckles. “We’re always here for each other,” she says, and they resettle on the bunk. Her cheek is pillowed on his arm. “That’s what family does.”

He runs his fingers along one of her lekku and smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write Kanan having a nightmare about Order 66, and Jess pointed out how Kanan must have felt seeing the Clones in the Lost Commanders. OUCH. :(

**Author's Note:**

> I'm princerook on tumblr. My general Star Wars sideblog is reyismycopilot!


End file.
